Stoned thoughts of a marketer.

I became a marketer.

Covid-19 is in the air, humans are locked down.

As usual, I was lucky. Lucky to be living in a gated community where I could still long walks, alone, sometimes with my husband. I’m luckier because this gated community also happens to be the most beautiful in Bangalore. Where there was a buzzing mall with people clicking selfies with the background of a lake, is now a serene lake, with a heron watching over fountains fall, with the background of a now-abandoned Orion mall.

I laugh at myself. I have developed a relationship with the lake and the huge twin trees that overlook it during the lockdown. I always found the place impersonal. I would take long walks in the evening, but avoid the selfie cramped lake area. Now its a haven for nights we smoke up and wander to seek solace from our homes.

Tonight I smoked up, and walked alone. I needed some peace. I walked in the green walkways, inspecting the lilies and the philodendrons, and creeping below the dim lit balcony of a first storied house. There was a divan, a grand divan, framed by two railing pots trailing with spider plants. There was an old fashioned lamp on a desk near the open sliding door, that cast the magical light on the balcony. I stood there, transfixed by the frame of the divan against the mellow light, and thought that’s a fuckworthy divan. It is a piece of fuckworthy furniture.

Because I had smoked up, I took that trail of thought and began wondering why trendy furniture retailers don’t create a catalog of fuckworthy furnitures and market them. What a GTM strategy!

Because I am in video marketing, I visualised an ad campaign to go with my new category too.

The script goes like this. A guy browses the catalog of furniture in an commerce site. When he sees a divan, he imagines a girl sitting on his lap on that piece of furniture. When he sees a reclining chair, he imagines sitting over the girl in that. You know what else he imagines when he goes through the sexy furntiure. The B roll here is nautchy. And then the captions roll out, “Looking for fuckworthy furntiure. We have got you seated!” CTA- Take me to a fuckworthy chair!

I created the entire campaign in my head as I walked round and round the lake. Until I noticed the security guard in the mall wearing a mask, and it hit me. Lucky, privileged soul, dreaming of marketing campaigns in the air, while the world goes to hell. But I assuaged my guilt, and thought the final thought — Damn, you really became a marketer.

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